Wednesday, October 10th, 2018
Assalamuailakum Wr. Wb.
Selamat malam…
*Deep sighhhhhhh*
Kebetulan sekarang lagi bad mood banget nggak tau kenapa (soalnya tiap bad mood jarang ada alasannya lol). Ya, ini salah satu watak yang paling aku benci dari diriku. Dan mood ini tuh datengnya nggak tentu, kayak jailangkung yang datang tak diundang tapi bedanya bisa pergi kalau diusir.
Nah hari ini kebetulan lagi pada mode bad fvckin mood, padahal kemaren malem aku happy-happy aja gitu kan, nggak ada problem apa-apa atau bahkan mood lagi bagus. Pas bangun tidur tadi pagi tuh tiba-tiba langsung bad mood aja. Dan ini seriiiiingggg banget terjadi. Berkali-kali. Nggak ada angin, hujan, badai, petir, gempa, tsunami tetep aja tiba-tiba bad mood.
“Kali aja kamu mimpi buruk”
Enggak. Aku jarang banget mimpi malah. Udah kebanyakan mimpi di dunia nyata dan banyak yang belum terwujud, jadi pas tidur udah males mau mimpi lagi.
Kalo udah bad mood, wassalam deh. Semua orang pasti kena, yang biasanya bercandain aku atau sebaliknya, langsung aku cut. Aku sampe nggak enak sendiri sih kadang kalo mood udah balik, dan inget kalo aku mendzolimi mereka Tapi ya emang aku kalo udah bad mood nggak bisa diganggu. Cocok banget quote “SENGGOL BACOK”.
Tadi dalam kurun 2 jam udah ada 3 orang yang kena semprot, padahal dia niatnya bercandain.
“Est, sana ngemper buat konsul (bimbingan skripsi)”
“Kan baru acc judul kemaren, apa yang mau aku konsulin?”
“Bab 1, pumpung nggak ada yang ngantri” (ke dosen gue arus antri panjang soalnya *rollingeyes*)
“Lah kan kemaren aku disuruh ngerjakan langsung sampe bab 3 sama dosen”
“Ya siapa tau kamu udah selesai *pake emote ngakak*”
Kalo dalam mode good mood pasti bakal aku bales.
“Iya besok aku konsul sampe bab 5, sama minta acc maju sidang hasil”
Tapiiii, karena mood lagi bad se bad-bad nya jadi gue jujur aja.
“Sori ya, aku lagi nggak ada mood buat bercanda”
“Oalah, iya sorry sorry”
Untung itu aku mau jujur, pernah kadang nggak bisa nge rem saking udah bad mood paraahhhhhh. Sampe nyolot, ngegas, mbleyer, and whatever you name it.
Tiap inget gitu aku nyesel, tapi mulut ku emang se blong itu rem nya. Kalo udah sebel kebanyakan ya nggak bisa mikir jernih. Pokoknya pengen muasin nafsuku yang bejat ini. Aku kudu menang. Egois nya pasti mendominasi. Ya Allah… gimana cara ngilangin para sayton-sayton penghuni neraka jahannam ini. Udah sholat 5 waktu, berdoa, ngaji (bukan riya’ ya tolong!) tetep aja duh.
Makanya kalau aku lagi dalam mode ‘senggol bacok’ ini lebih baik jangan diganggu. Just leave me alone, I just need my own world to fix it. Entah itu aku mau nyanyi, joget, nonton, diem aja sambil ngeliatin langit-langit kamar, atau nulis (biasanya curhat ke diri sendiri terus nulis uneg-uneg di note hp sambil marah-marah). Pokoknya sebelum tidur lagi prinsipku kudu balikin mood. Nggak enak tidur sambil keadaan mood masih jelek.
Seharian ini juga belom makan sama sekali (udah biasa sih sehari makan cuman sekali doang, enggak lagi diet, tapi yang mau keluar beli makan tuh magerrrrrrrr nya saolohhhhh, biasanya masak, tapi karena akhir-akhir ini lagi sering ke kampus jadi males ribet, lagian bubur ayam di kantin kampus tuh ter dabest, jadi haram untuk dilewatin).
Akhirnya aku tau dimana harus menumpahkan kekeselanku, jadi aku milih untuk nulis aja. Kan juga lagi seneng-senengnya nge-blog, makanya biar marah-marahnya bermanfaat, kenapa nggak dimasukin di blog aja yegak… wkwkwkwk
Sebelum nulis butuh amunisi, perut lagi kosong, mau nungguin sate ayam yang biasa lewat depan kosan lama. Males juga mau makan nasi putih. Jadi pilihannya jatuh pada nasi goreng rempelo ati plus jeruk anget, belinya di Nasgor DEMPO gaes, masuk gofood juga loh, jadi yang rumahnya jauh dan mager, tinggal calling-calling ojol untuk mengantarkan pesanan anda. Nasgor dempo ini di Jalan Batujajar, Malang. Harganya 13 rebu udah termasuk rempelo ati dan telor, bisa pilih ayam kalo gasuka rempelo ati. Eaaaakkk kok jadi ngereview makanan zzzzzzzz…
Balik lagi pada saat aku udah mulai nulis, ternyata dengan memakan nasgor dan jeruk anget masih tetep belum balikin mood. Pas nulis ini aja aku marah-marah terus gara-gara dengerin lagu di Spotify kan ada iklannya (maklum aku anak kost yang suka gratisan, jadi kurang mampu kalo mau upgrade ke premium), dan iklannya tuh nyebelin buangettt. Dari blibli.com, mana pake mendesah-desah “ssshhhh sayang-sayang suara kamu, buat jerit-jerit di blibli histeria” sambil bisik-bisik gitu suaranya, jatohnya malah jadi horror creepy bangshut! Astaghfirullahhhhh………
Emang kalo muter spotify di laptop tuh gitu suka ada iklan pop up. Tapi kalo muter di hp enggak ada iklan, soalnya ngehack spotify biar premium tanpa harus berlangganan bayar per bulan MUEHEHEHE… sorry I’m broke af and I know. Gimana dong coy, sebulan itu jatah mepet buat makan, bensin, dan kebutuhan lainnya yang masuk kebutuhan primer, sedangkan aku juga butuh entertain yang bagus tapi gratisan. So yaaaa this is my way wkwkwkwk. Spotify, joox, (pokoknya app music yang berbayar) and anything about music apps is my life, tapi itu termasuk kebutuhan tersier, jadi ya prinsipnya kalau bisa dapet yang gratis kenapa harus bayar? YOLO!!!!
Asli jangan dicontoh, beneran kalo aku udah punya duit sendiri pasti bakal beli yang ori (InsyaAllah doain aja aku cepet kaya biar bisa naik haji. Aamiin). Ahhh dan Alhamdulillah udah mulai mending nih mood, gara-gara dengerin lagunya iKON yang Adore You sama lagunya Troye Sivan – Youth (trus pas ganti ke lagunya Justin Timberlake yg Mirror, aku tungguin lama banget kagak kelar-kelar, ehalah ternyata 8 menit durasinya cuy busettttt). Liriknya iKON itu loh bagussss banget heuheu. Sesuai sama aku *eaaaakkkkkkkk* trus punya sivan tuh tentang masa muda banget. Dua-duanya tentang fallin’ in love sih, cuman aku sebenernya nggak lagi fallin’ ngokkkkkkk. Tapi keinget aja jaman dulu *woopsieeeee*
This is some lyrics from iKON – Adore You
As I've lived my life making memories meeting you
The closer we get, the more I swallow my heart
Because I know the blazing flames will go away easily
We're still living our best moments
Someone that I don't want to lose
To you who is that person, what do you feel?
When I look at you
I want to kiss your lips
You're a good person to me
So don't come any closer
I want to see you for a long time
Let's just stay this way
To be honest, I adore you
I adore you a lot
For me to be able to hide this truth
Hug me without talking
I think it’s enough to me, so thank you so much for you guys who read this absurd thing. Wish you have a nice life. Fighting!!!
Wassalam…
BYE!
Sensitive Side ( The Worst Character of Me )
Oktober 10, 2018
Say Something (Lose)
Oktober 08, 2018
Monday. Oct 8th, 2018
Aku pernah kehilangan seseorang. Dua kali.
Yang pertama,
Kami baik-baik saja, awalnya. Ketika dia merayakan ulang tahunnya dan aku sangat diperlakukan special (even with his family). And the day after tomorrow he leave. With his family without a single word. Kemudian aku sadar, bahwa pada saat hari ulang tahunnya, adalah sebuah salam perpisahan…
Yang kedua,
We are together since childhood. We laugh together, we play together, we cry together.
Time flies really fast. We separating each other for our dream. Awalnya kami masih seperti biasanya setiap bertemu. Tapi lama-lama aku merasa kami sudah berbeda. Dan kemudian aku sadar, ketika dia pertama kali memutuskan untuk mengejar mimpinya. Aku sudah kehilangan dia.
Tetapi lucunya,
Aku merasa kehilangan, padahal sebenarnya sekalipun kami tidak pernah saling memiliki.
That’s why I become stronger for myself. Because I know, I can’t rely on anyone again.
If you must leave,
Leave as though fire burns under your feet.
If you must speak,
Speak every word as though it were unique.
If you must die,
For knowing ur life was my life's best part.
But don't die,
Live happily eventhough I could only watching.
Then, I will disappear 🍂
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something
- Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
This post dedicated for someone who got his/her broken heart because losing someone he/she loves or cares. Be happy dude, you are not alone.
Cheers~
Aku pernah kehilangan seseorang. Dua kali.
Yang pertama,
Kami baik-baik saja, awalnya. Ketika dia merayakan ulang tahunnya dan aku sangat diperlakukan special (even with his family). And the day after tomorrow he leave. With his family without a single word. Kemudian aku sadar, bahwa pada saat hari ulang tahunnya, adalah sebuah salam perpisahan…
Yang kedua,
We are together since childhood. We laugh together, we play together, we cry together.
Time flies really fast. We separating each other for our dream. Awalnya kami masih seperti biasanya setiap bertemu. Tapi lama-lama aku merasa kami sudah berbeda. Dan kemudian aku sadar, ketika dia pertama kali memutuskan untuk mengejar mimpinya. Aku sudah kehilangan dia.
Tetapi lucunya,
Aku merasa kehilangan, padahal sebenarnya sekalipun kami tidak pernah saling memiliki.
That’s why I become stronger for myself. Because I know, I can’t rely on anyone again.
If you must leave,
Leave as though fire burns under your feet.
If you must speak,
Speak every word as though it were unique.
If you must die,
For knowing ur life was my life's best part.
But don't die,
Live happily eventhough I could only watching.
Then, I will disappear 🍂
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all
And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl
Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something
- Say Something by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera
This post dedicated for someone who got his/her broken heart because losing someone he/she loves or cares. Be happy dude, you are not alone.
Cheers~
Silent is My Bestfriend
Agustus 03, 2018
Friday. August 3rd, 2018.
Sometime, I'm doing nothing on my room.
Silent. No phone. No laptop. Doing nothing.
Just look up at the ceiling and have been thinking if life is so tired.
I don’t know my goals anymore, and messed up my life. I just want to be more happy person with no goals.
I have a dream, a long ago. But it was changed. I wanna make my parents proud of me but I still make them disappointed. I try my best but often get unsuitable results.
Reality really beating my expectations. *deep sigh*
I accepted. Because peoples always give me positive vibes like
"failure is the key to be successful".
But sometimes, I feel tired from failing so many times. I am not angry at God, because God is my place to complain my whole life without fear of being judged. But I just feel tired. I just don't know what the reason I still stay here. Doing things that aren't my passion. I've tried before to enjoy what I've been through, but I can't lie to myself about what truly I want.
Want to make my parents happy but don't know what to do.
Have you ever been confused with yourself, confused about the future, and feeling lost? Because I'm feeling it now.
Maybe I really have to get closer to God longer. Talk a lot, complain, and be grateful for giving people who love and always supporting me.
For my parents and my friends, thanks for always being there for me.
And Allah who loves me very much and always gives a temptation to make me stronger. Thank you so much.
I will rise and fight again for my parents, and myself.
Warmly, 292 words from the bottom of my heart.
Sometime, I'm doing nothing on my room.
Silent. No phone. No laptop. Doing nothing.
Just look up at the ceiling and have been thinking if life is so tired.
I don’t know my goals anymore, and messed up my life. I just want to be more happy person with no goals.
I have a dream, a long ago. But it was changed. I wanna make my parents proud of me but I still make them disappointed. I try my best but often get unsuitable results.
Reality really beating my expectations. *deep sigh*
I accepted. Because peoples always give me positive vibes like
"failure is the key to be successful".
But sometimes, I feel tired from failing so many times. I am not angry at God, because God is my place to complain my whole life without fear of being judged. But I just feel tired. I just don't know what the reason I still stay here. Doing things that aren't my passion. I've tried before to enjoy what I've been through, but I can't lie to myself about what truly I want.
Want to make my parents happy but don't know what to do.
Have you ever been confused with yourself, confused about the future, and feeling lost? Because I'm feeling it now.
Maybe I really have to get closer to God longer. Talk a lot, complain, and be grateful for giving people who love and always supporting me.
For my parents and my friends, thanks for always being there for me.
And Allah who loves me very much and always gives a temptation to make me stronger. Thank you so much.
I will rise and fight again for my parents, and myself.
Warmly, 292 words from the bottom of my heart.
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